The final days of Thailand - part 1

In Nepal, I mentioned that the secret to feeling comfortable in any accommodation was in owning a good sleeping bag which you could completely immerse yourself. In Thailand, I have discovered the secret to feeling relaxed in any location is in finding the nearest available swimming pool, to also immerse yourself in. True relaxation lies in the capacity to enjoy doing absolutely nothing - a luxury which the working population are not able to enjoy for the majority of the year, and one that I will no doubt utilise to it's full potential in the coming months. As a man far wiser than me once commented, you should have "moderation in all things, including moderation."

To balance our lazy days of doing sweet F.A. around a swimming pool, it was obvious that some physical exertion would be needed in the evening. I wasn't entirely convinced that this needed to be our physical exertion so decided it would be enough to watch a few kickboxing fights and let other people put in the effort. The night started with a couple of 8-year old's beating the proverbial out of each other and was followed by 11 other matches of fighters weighing up to 190 pounds and representing Thailand, Burma and even one for good Ol' Blighty. Unfortunately the fight with the English chap seemed more of an exhibition match showing his athletic ability rather than kickboxing skills and we're convinced his opponent took a dive. Mind you, he was a big bastard so short of a well aimed kick to his balls, I would've been diving as soon as he was within two feet.

After a couple of days of baking ourselves, that nagging sensation to see more of the sites became unbearable again and we ventured out to the snake farm just outside Chiang Mai - really seeing the culture! I was prepared to see less than a dozen snakes, some dead, and most in a poor condition, presented in inadequate housing, and with no signs in English. I was pleasantly surprised to find that this wasn't correct; none of the snakes were dead.

The highlight of this trip was undoubtedly the 'show' that was presented 4 times a day. With hints of influence from the shows you may see in similar sites in America, it featured death defying acts, moments of shock and outbursts of laughter - and that was just from the Japanese tourists. Perhaps the funniest aspect of the presentation was the continuous commentary over a backdrop of an instrumental version of 'The Final Countdown' by Europe. It's probably fair to say that the commentator gained this highly regarded position as he knew the most English and not because of his vocal dexterity. This knowledge of English however, was still very limited and forced our entertainer to just repeat the same things over and over again. This is something like how it went:

"King Cobra
He, Thailand, No.1, most dangerous snake.
I no lie to you.
No.1 most dangerous snake.
But, do not worry
He will not hurt you"

This was broken up with warnings to the snake charmer / dancer, interspersed with questions about the act:

"Be careful my friend.
Oh, what is he doing now?"

In fairness, the whole act was very funny, not soley for the reasons intended, but for the way it was presented and for the reactions of the Japanese tourists to a piece of rope being thrown in their direction. It was like watching a Godzilla movie with people screaming and running in all directions... awesome!

The finale of this show was the opportunity to touch the King Cobra ("No. 1, most dangerous snake in Thailand") and to wear a python as a scarf and give the little fella a kiss. Both of these acts were supposed to bring good luck. I'll let you know how it works out for me.

We were supposed to head over to a temple which overlooks the city after this, but our taxi driver spoke less words than the snake dancers and took us back into the city centre. Never to be downhearted we checked out options and went straight to a Muay Thai Kickboxing class. Our trainer was a fighter who had now retired and devoted his time to passing on his expert knowledge. He also seemed to enjoy making the tourists who came to his class suffer immensely with more skipping than a hyperactive kangaroo. Nevertheless, the class was rewarding and I learned some new techniques in kneeing someones head in. The trainer even bestowed on me the name "Nuk Soo Kao". I may have the spelling wrong on here but some of you may know what this means ;)

With our time in Thailand drawing to a close, it felt like time to sample an infamous Thai massage - a legit one, not one from a nightclub in Pa Pong. There are more massage parlours than restaurants in Thailand so it wasn't hard to find one. They wash your feet, give you some loose clothes to change into, lay you on a hard mattress, and then proceed to stretch and press on your body in every possible location. At one point, she was pulling my legs behind my back in what I can only assume was an attempt at a submission hold (similar to the Boston crab). I'm not totally sure who was getting more out of this massage but I suspect the satisfaction of beating me up was more than the feeling of receiving the beating.

The 3 Kings monument in Chiang Mai:

After nearly a week in Chiang Mai and it was now time to move on. A total of around 7 hours of buses then took us to the border town of Chiang Khong where we could sort out the necessary Visa and transport ticket to cross into Laos.