The largest theme park in the world... probably

The base of my travels in Borneo was Kota Kinabalu. As a major hub of transport it was easy to get from here to Brunei which lies approximately in the middle of the northerly coastline of Borneo Malaysia. The trip requires a ferry to Malaysian island, Pulau Labuan, where some immigration procedures are taken care of, another ferry to the Muara port in Brunei, and then a bus trip into the main city, Bander Seri Begawan.


The motivation for this little journey was to visit the "largest theme park in the world" - as claimed by the Sultan of Brunei and disputed by the Disney Corporation. The other thing I'd read about this resort was that the novelty had worn of for the local population so there was never a need to queue for the rides. With claims as bold as this, there was no way I was going to miss this opportunity to sample this adrenaline pumping playground.

I'd met a group of travelers on the ferry over who had similar aspirations for some extreme action and everyone agreed to check the town out in the afternoon, and then give in to our cravings and ride the rollercoasters in the evening. The tour of town lasted a whole of 30 minutes and that included the main mosque & the water village. We had hoped to see amazing celebrations as our timely visit was on Brunei day. Unfortunately, the celebrations had already ended by the time of our extremely late arrival of 13:00. This should have been a freight-train indication of how 'extreme' the theme park would be.

When our taxi driver dropped us of at just before seven in the evening he suggested a pick-up time of nine thirty. This should have been another major hint to us, but denial is a strong emotion, and we opted for a 11:00 pick-up time instead.

At the entrance to the 'resort', we were given a map with which rides were currently open and which were not. All the major, and more extreme, rides were not currently open - all 3 of them. Fine, then we would have the best possible time with what was available. The initial attractions we saw were a grass area with swings (!), a merry-go-round (!!), a climbing frame (!!!), and some monkey bars!!!! Well, f**k-a-doodle doo! Someone give me some sedatives to calm these overcharged senses.

I won't go into a massive tirade of my hatred for this place as in all honestly I had a pretty good time. Nothing to do with the rides you understand, but because the group I was in was determined to have fun regardless. We found the log flume was open so managed to cramb all six of us in one log and went over the slides 3 successive times in order to try a few different seating order combinations.

The only other rides we used were the dodgems and a shooting gallery. You see, what you have to recognise about this place, is that it was build in 1991. Remember the shite rides at the fairground in those days? Well, this place is a permanent reminder of that. You just don't have the baseball hat wearing chavs bugging you for 10p to call their communal mum.

Would I recommend it to anyone? Of course not. It was shite, but if you're in the area with nothing else to do but scratch yourself and piss off the locals, then pop along to the amusement park and remind yourself how crap things truly were at the fair when we were kids.